First, I want to thank anyone who commented or otherwise communicated with me regarding yesterday’s post. While I definitely feel a little bit alone in this new, gigantic city faced with probably one of the biggest challenges of my life, I’m glad to know I can always count on the Interwebs for advice and support when I need it.
In the spirit of honesty, I should share a little bit about the root of my relationship problems. I chose NYU over comparably-ranked (and perhaps better ranked) law schools due to it’s location in New York City. Not because I love NYC, because while I do love it, I am terrified of it and never thought I would be living here. My decision-making process ultimately hinged on whether the location of my future law school had a viable job for D. D has a great job. Great in that it pays well, but also great in that he loves the people, and great perhaps most importantly in that these people love him back. He was fortunate to hold on to his job while over half of his co-workers were laid off over the course of the past year. I would never want him to quit in order to move across the country with me. Fortunately, New York appeared to be a viable place where he could transfer internally. So I submitted my NYU deposit before ever hearing back from Harvard. (Do I wish I waited to find out? Surely. Do I think I would have gotten in? Doubtful. So I guess I can say that I rejected Harvard before Harvard had the opportunity to reject me.)
Cut to 4 months ago. At the time, D’s boss was being vague about the prospect of transferring, leaving us in a weird limbo about whether or not we would be together. I started making residence hall plans. I became excited about the prospect of living in a collegial dorm environment. I missed the atmosphere of college. I missed watching Sex and the City with girlfriends, I missed cooking for more than 1-2 people, and I missed having people around all of the time. While living with a significant other is great in its own ways, it put a physical barrier between me and my friends. So in my excitement about the residence halls, I began to almost hope that D’s transfer would fall through. Of course, it didn’t, as we are here now. Although I was disappointed, I was also relieved. Long-distance relationships almost never work out. I traded the social aspect of the residence halls for the love and support of a boyfriend.
So as I’ve mentioned before, orientation thus far has been great (albeit a bit tiring and occasionally unnecessarily so). However, I have noticed that living off-campus has been somewhat of a hinderance to meeting new people. Anyway, an incident occurred yesterday that kind of upset me. It was certainly not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but at the time I really needed someone to talk to. D promised me when we moved here that he would be there for me at all times. As cheesy and lame as it sounds, I really expected him to be. And he wasn’t. Perhaps I expected too much, but knowing that I am kind of alone off-campus with no one to turn to and my nearest close friend 1,000 miles away really sucks. And of course, this type of hiccup is part of the winding road (or for some people, rollercoaster) of being in a relationship. There is really no reason this incident should ever make it onto my blog except for its place in the context of why I’m here in the first place.
The ultimate conclusion is that I’m probably going to go through periods where I feel alone. I’m a raindrop about to fall into the sea. And it’s scary. But at the same time, I need to realize that right now is the scariest part. Because, as I pointed out in the past, I will make close friends, maybe even best friends, all in good time. But for now, I just need to follow the advice of so many of my professors and upperclassmen and relax.
